Truth

Look at me
Drink in my tall glass of water
And tell me
You don’t love me anymore
Tell me I should be angry
At you
For loosing your grip
And letting me go
But not quite
You wonder how I stay so calm
Talking in long short sentences
While I’m bawling on the phone?
I learned from the best
You testing yourself
Seeing how long you could
Resist another touch
Singing in a tone deaf voice
Singing OUR SONG
Couldn’t get me back now
I’m too far gone
I say friends is fine
But the hurt you inflicted
Is too deep seated
I am defeated
Torn up in the second stage
Of acceptance
My anger is too much now
How could you?
All I wanted was
Something close to my own terms
Not this other girl
Bullshit
Sure
You are being gracious
I love you for that
But right now
I deserve the respect of
A lie
Knowing “it’s just too hard
Right now”
Would be easier than this
Knowing she caught your eyes
And I lost your eyes
Is unbearable
Come on now
Tell me it’s not another girl
There is a tumor the size of Kansas
Lumping up in my throat
And I hope it will
Cough up soon
But maybe I should
Be angry
Maybe I should yell
But it’s just so fucking hard
When the only person
I want to see
Is you
And the only voice I want to hear
Is yours
And every time I get a text
I hope it is your name
In white font
At the top of the screen
It is difficult to let you go
When all I want
Is you
Maybe I should be mad
But how can I be
When
For some god awful reason
I STILL LOVE YOU
And for some horrible turn of phrase
I know
You still love me too!
I am raw
Right now
I miss you
Right now
I know you cannot do this
That I am only making things harder
But
It has to get harder
Before it gets better and
My cheeks are wetter
Than ever before
And I know
I need to stop thinking about you
But when I feel my heart
Beating too fast
I know it is you
And the memory of you
That makes it too hard
To be mad at you
Right now.